


If only I could Free Myself

by Kurovix



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurovix/pseuds/Kurovix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small drabble on Yona and her emotional ties to Soo-won in the form of her precious hairpin. Will she throw it? Or Keep it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If only I could Free Myself

At the brush of invisible fingers from the wind, ripples appeared along the reflective  
      surface of the lake. Gently each lap rolled forward on the watery surface toward the edge  
      where the princess stood. In her hands, she held a small box. So plain and ordinary, yet  
      it was what rested inside that held a weight over her heart. Even in her small hands, the  
      little box felt as heavy as a blade. She had seen him.. Had seen him again after months  
      of running-from that night she'd been banished from her gilded cage.  
  
                           Fingers tighten their hold on the box, clutching it tightly to her chest. She allows  
      the memories to resurface. Of the pain. The blood of her father on his blade. Glacial azure  
      hues piercing through her being, looking at her so distantly-nearly unrecognizable.  
  
                ' _You don't know anything.. do you?_ " Oh how his question had mocked her innocence,  
        her naivety of the world beyond stone walls. Her precious father, with whom she had  
        argued with moments before, bled on the floor. Unintentional final words had been so  
        hateful and angry.  
  
                           I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. She pleads to her heart-her soul! But it is not enough.  
          Such words can not change what has already happened.  
  
        Snapping the box open, she holds the hairpin-the precious gift given to her by the man  
        she'd loved. The man she had wanted to marry. The man she had desired in all her  
        years of living in the castle. Breathing suddenly became difficult. She held the pin over  
        her head, blood boiling with rage. Yes. She hates him. Hates him-is what she repeats  
        to herself. Whispers it into her mind so that even her subconscious knows.  
  
               Aiming to the lake, she prepares to throw it.  
                                           But her arm freezes. Locks into place.  
  
          Other memories surface. Forbidden and locked deeply into her heart. _"Yona"_ He had  
         whispered so kindly, covering her head with his robe, his temple resting against her own.  
         No longer a child or a boy-but a man. " _It's okay.. I am here.."_ He had held her hand,  
         comforted her with the warmth of his being. Had looked at her with such tenderness.  
  
                      That night, she had confessed to him. "The one I want.." The one she still wants..  
         Oh how his face had reddened, it was such an astounding change that her heart fluttered.  
         At long last, he's aware of it. Aware of these feelings that had festered in her heart for him.  
  
          _"I.. I don't think I can hold your hand anymore.."_ His admittance was softly spoken, shy  
         and awkward. The sight so endearing, that new joys lifted her spirits. For at least now, for  
          in that moment-he knew her heart. And that had been enough.  
  
                         _I love you the most.. You are my most precious person.._ Those words had  
             echoed so often in her mind. Her knee's quake, giving out to the weight in her hand.  
             Tears continue to roll down her cheeks, her grip so tight that perhaps the pin would  
             crack? She clutches it to her chest, biting her lip to keep from sobbing.  
  
                  She had felt the warmth of his body again-strange given she felt him so cold on  
         that night. He knew she wanted to kill him-wanted him dead.. But his resolve was too  
        much for her. His intentions unknown and yet.. He wouldn't allow himself to die. When  
        he could've allowed her to be killed, he didn't. His embrace lingering on her arms. His  
        scent still fresh in her mind and his voice still invading her ears. The soft caress of his  
        hand to her cheek.  
  
                               It was too much to bear. Too much for her heart to hold.  
  
                     " **I hate you..** " She whispers to the elusive wind. _I love you.._  
                             " **I don't want you..** " She sobs, _I long for you.._  
                                  " **I curse you...** " She swore, _I miss you.._  
             
               The pin is gently returned to it's small vault by trembling hands. Head bowed,   
          she allows more tears to continue to roll down her cheeks. She allows her heart  
          to bleed out that night, for tomorrow she'd get up again. Tomorrow she'd walk again.  
          Tomorrow she'd be alright.. Tomorrow she'd survive. Tomorrow she'd be herself again.  
  
                           And tomorrow she'll smile.  
                  
                                      In the end, there truly was a fine line between love and hate.

**Author's Note:**

> I always got the impression that Yona had some internal conflict when it came to the hairpin and what it means to her. I had a lot of fun writing this out and just digging into her character. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.


End file.
